Singing at the top of my lungs, “ONE LAST TIME, I NEED TO BE THE ONE WHO TAKES YOU HOME!”   I love Felicia-tune-time alone in the car listening to the radio. Ariana Grande’s ‘One Last Time’ was blasting from the speakers.  “I don’t care if you have her in your heart… all I want is to wake up in your arms!”  Wait….What?

I stopped mid belt and thought about what I just heard.

So, Ariana is AWARE that the guy she loves or is interested in likes someone else. Yet, she STILL wants to continuing sleeping with him? That sounds like a fast-track to heart ache.

I do get it though. I completely understand. I have felt that desperation. That love, lust, obsession with someone. It’s a relationship that is not equal. You give far more than you get. That relationship was with mostly myself, in my own mind, and it drove me insane. I was aware that he was interested in many more girls than just me. Yet, I didn’t care. No matter what, being in his proximity made me feel better. I didn’t care about anything else, not even how I was effecting myself and how I thought I should be treated.

I thought the issue was ME. Ariana seems to address this in her song as well. She says she feels like a failure, that she could have done better, and that she couldn’t provide him what he wanted. Just because the person you’re interested in isn’t interested in you, doesn’t make you a failure. You do not have any less self-worth.

When you begin to see yourself as a failure because of this, it might be time to look in the mirror and start caring about YOU. At the point when you feel so in love with some one else but they do not reciprocate (or before this happens), you have to make decisions.

Choose your values.

Set your standards.

It probably didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to. God did not have it in your plan. Let them go. Move on. You deserve to be someone’s priority, not just another number on a list. Don’t be someone else’s number two or three if you make them you’re number one. The only way true relationships work is when you both are each others number one. That way you fully support and improve each other. Two halves make a whole. If you throw another half in there, or an eighth, or a fifth, you end up with a mess. Everything is off balance and will surely topple over. It will not work out.

Now, I feel I’m just a kid, though I’m technically an adult. I don’t know much, but I do know a bit. I’ve seen been in a one-sided fantasy relationship and I have been in a very real and loving relationship. I know that there is something really beautiful and special about relationships when you are giving completely to each other. I am in a really great relationship now, and I accredit it for two reasons. First, my boyfriend is just an incredible and mature person. Second, I set high standards, and values for myself and all future relationships. I saw my standards and values reflected in my boyfriend, and thats how I know he was a keeper.

Even though I have an amazing relationship, I still make loads of mistakes. I can be quite selfish but that is when you and your significant other have a conversation. Be honest with each other. If a conversation leads to the relationship not working out, at first it will SUCK. But you will have feedback for the future of your relationships, the rest of your life and how to share love.

Which is why dating is a great experience, but the whole ‘hook up’ culture is NOT.  Dating, you get to experience another person in a new way, and learn new things about what you like, what your values are, and where to set your standards. Hooking- Up is irresponsible and I don’t understand it. People say “its fun, it feels good, I get with so many hot girls or guys.” It’s only skin-deep.

So, my advice and challenge to you, if you are feeling similar to Ariana Grande, is to take anything sexual out of the picture. For the next few months, go on dates, get free (or go dutch) dinners, see new places, get out of the house (or dorm or apartment). It may be the most terrifying, interesting, and rewarding thing you do.

Also, do you really need one more time if you’re not number one?

 

I made a video about this subject on my Youtube channel! Check it out HERE