Crack!

No that is not an onomatopoeia describing a sound. That is the first thing I saw when I walked into the fitting. A butt crack. Here’s the thing, he wasn’t even bending over in low rise skinny jeans. He just wore his sweat pants a little lower than his crack and his shirt a little higher than his bulging belly. Revealing a thin belt of skin no one should have to see.

It started out uncomfortable but not unusual. I tried on dresses, showed them my walk it was all deemed very nice and acceptable. I went on my way and didn’t think much of it. Until I talked to the other models.

‘The picture you sent me was ugly”

‘You walk like a duck! Get out of here.’

“He poked me in the belly and said ‘You are not a model”

“He liked my face and waist but not my hips and boobs, he called me a ‘Beautiful cow”

I was disgusted and appalled. It was like this guy knew absolutely no English other than hurtful phrases and words. Though I was not directly offended, I felt personally attacked. I did not want to do the show anymore. I wouldn’t work for this guy in a million years in any industry. However, what made me the most aggravated was,

It is somehow EXPECTED from the modeling and fashion world. To be treated like cattle, and objects, and clothes hangers that are never good enough.

I understand the standards. It’s one thing to be told you don’t fit the industry standards of measurements. It is a technical thing, a money saver in creating sample sizes. (Although last time I checked fabric is sold by YARDS not inches). I GET IT. It is requirement and prerequisite to me a certain size. I won’t become a doctor because I never went to Med school. Just like someone who is a size too big won’t become a fashion model.  However, it is another thing to be told, flat out, “You are too fat.” “You are needed to lose weight” “You are not good enough.”

It sucks. I have only ever been told I have to meet the standards for the industry, yet I only hear all of those last three phrases. Modeling is not for the light-hearted, you have to have tough skin. Really tough.  On the runway, in the final image, it is all Glitz and Glamour and Art. Behind the scenes, it is Gluttony and Guilt. Gluttonous because of the perfection and taking anything and everything it takes to reach that, no caring who falls short or feels violated. Guilt because those who are left violated see it as their fault. Gluttonous because of the fine jewels, expensive clothes, millions of followers, and still left unsatisfied. Guilt because those who are left with modest clothing, and a handful of good friends, and a cut paycheck, feel that they fall short. (Even though we are all usually very tall.)

However, there is good in every bad. When the designer went ballistic and started putting away dresses, threatening to cancel the whole show because a girl who was 5’10 was deemed to short, I laughed. I couldn’t help but try not to crack up (no pun intended). The other models, my friends and agency sisters, my dear sweet momager, and the hair and make-up people, couldn’t help but raise their eyebrows and begin to grin either.

There is only so much you can do.

When things are so dramatic and outrageous I can’t help but to see it as comical. The stress of the day and the anger I felt towards his rude attitude all just melted away. Laugh it off and do the best you can. Who knows what could be going on in this guys head? Maybe he was really nervous and didn’t know how to handle it. Maybe he is going through a midlife-crisis, or maybe he was dealing with bipolar disorder. Whatever the case, one has to understand that no matter what, someone else’s bad attitude is not your fault. At the end of the night my agency sisters and I put our shoulders back and thanked the designer. We did not fall short, we stood tall.